My Eyeball is a No Fly Zone

This is what really happened:

This is how it happened in my head:

I am way too germaphobic for this kind of nonsense. 

Have you seen fly eyes? Those buggers see from like six thousand perspectives and still manage to land themselves in the moist death zone that is the human eyeball. 

They must be drunk. There isn't any other explanation. 

Did you know flies either spit or poop (or both) almost every time they land? That's right kids, Bill spat and/or defecated in my eyeball, and someday, if you work hard enough, maybe he will in yours too.

But no, really. I hate flies.
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate (bzzt) them.