Kinder Surprise is my favourite.

Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate.

However, they make for pretty crummy gifts. Not that I'm complaining, I mean, come on. Free chocolate. But chocolate is like that gift you get for people you don't really know, or when you want to put all of three seconds thinking about what to get someone.

Also, it's not so bad when you know chocolate is coming. But when it's all wrapped up and pretty, it could be anything. But then it's chocolate and you're like, oh.

This Christmas, I was given at least 80 dollars redeemable for, if not already in the form of, chocolate. For those of you keeping score at home (read: nobody), that's a lot of chocolate.

Also, yes, my arm extends from my mouth. I'm sensitive about it.

Unprofessional Blabber #4: I'M SO ALONE

Now that it's been nearly an entire year since I've posted, I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm more or less alone with my thoughts in here. (Not that I had readers anyway... Stop judging me. Actually, who am I talking to? I just said there was no one else here. This is ridiculous. This bracket tangent is getting too long, stop it Vincent. You're a terrible blogger.)

I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now. I think I am going through my man period. (No that's not a thing don't worry about it. Well, it kind of is; men have been observed to have fluxes of testosterone levels throughout the day, which can lead to emotional irregularity, much like a period. But to a lesser degree, and men don't have to bleed. Suckers.)

My to-do list: university applications, decide on a faculty (it's either Arts, Sciences, or Business, guys, don't worry, clearly I've got this narrowed down), scholarship essays, write my freaking book, do the online courses I put off until the abstract idea of "free time", and start my winter break homework. Also, I was planning on reading ahead, because I obviously have so much leisure time and I'm not stressed out at all.

Sarcasm is hard to convey over the internet. Thankfully no one has to hear it but me. Why am I even publishing this? I don't make sense.

I feel like I'm obligated to doodle something. But I don't even have to keep anyone's attention anymore. Also, what did I even talk about? I am definitely going to regret publishing this later.

PUBLISH.



Oh look the sketch is too big for the box. OH WELL, LOOK AT ME NOT CARING! Okay now stop staring.

Unprofessional Blabber #3: Longest Sunday of my Life

I arrived back from Germany, Austria, and the Czech Republic on Sunday. It was kind of a long day.

First, we had to leave the hotel at 4 am in the morning, as well as having to deal with Daylights Savings time again. (Once in Canada, now in Europe) I very wisely decided that people don't need sleep and stayed up all night despite a long, exhausting day of walking and sightseeing, and arrived at the airport looking like a pile of poop composed of regurgitated poop.

There, we ate our boxed breakfasts because we were there two hours before our flight. They composed of plastic wrapped vomit that was labeled "sandwich", an apple that looks like it had already been eaten, and an orange that was more peel than fruit. I took two bites of a sandwich and threw them away, ate around the holes in the apple, and ate half of the remains of my orange after my friend helped me peel it by tearing off the peel along with half the orange. I was thoroughly dissatisfied.

To appease me, one of my friends gave me a little plastic baggie with four enormous chocolate granola bars in them. I was ridiculously thrilled to get them, but stupidly stored them inside my breakfast box. After having "finished" my breakfast, I then stupidly threw the box away with the bars inside them. By the time I had realized my mistake and walked briskly back to the trash can where we disposed of our boxes, a suspicious dirty looking man already had them looped across his arm as though he had just come from the mall instead of the waste bin. I decided he could just keep the granola bars.

Then we reached security, where I got beeped three times. First, I forgot to take off my belt. Then, I forgot my watch. The third time, I made it through the metal detector only to have my carry-on stopped. I had left two water bottles in my backpack, one of which I threw out immediately. The other I asked to pour out because I wanted to keep the bottle, but the security guard just told me to take my bag and leave. I was obviously too stupid to be a terrorist. At this point I had half the airport line laughing at me, so I walked away pretty quickly.

Two or three hours later I was in London, and nauseous out of my mind. I was dumb enough to nap on the plane, something I had never been able to do because I would always wake up so that my body could puke out my intestines.

Eight hours at Heathrow to kill. Eight hours trapped, nauseous, inside an airport. Eight.
We finally took off at 5:30 pm on what would be a nine hour and fourty minute flight back to Vancouver, on which I was determined not to sleep.
I got nauseous anyway.

I spent a period of time on the plane singing "I am not nauseous, lalalala, I will not throw up, lalalala."
Also, the smell of airplane food makes me nauseous.
Nauseous. Nauseous nauseous nauseous.
I'm not quite sure how many times I can get away with saying nauseous. I probably should have stopped after twice.

*Slight exaggeration. Very slight.

Unprofessional Blabbing #2

I have been taught countless times that, if you fall, you should fall on your back shoulder. People probably found it important that I knew because the combination of my lack of grace and my wimpy body meant that I was highly prone to injury.

However, falling correctly is pretty damn hard.

Before I even realized I was falling I was already on the ground.

Then I felt the sidewalk carve itself into my wrist, and that was that.

Unprofessional Blabbing #1

I am at that point in life just beyond the juvenile need to broadcast everything about anything (see: twitter), but not yet mature enough to not want to do it.

I literally just caught myself about to update my Facebook status with "is sad".

Minutes later I caught myself, in an attempt to be a pseudo-intellectual, trying to point out the futility of resolving negative emotions by broadcasting them to a network of people who will judge you for it.

If I could time travel, the first thing I would do is slap myself from five minutes ago. Then I would wait around for two minutes to slap myself again.

Then I'd probably shoot Hitler or something later. But priorities are priorities.

Poor, poor dough boy.

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 10

1 confession.

I actually just didn't even realize I still had it after a while. It wasn't until I removed it that I realized the creepy orange light it gave off was actually way worse than actual darkness.

Silly me. 

I opted to veer away from more "emo" confessions, seeing as this was the last post in the series. So, you know. Humiliation is always cool, right?

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 9

Day 9: Two emoticons that describe your life right now.

Emoticons? Really? Read: emotions. If you really want emoticons, please see random doodle below.
 
1. Optimistic
2. Nostalgic

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 8

Day 8: Three turn-ons.
Obviously not in the traditional sense of the term.

1. Easy going nature, slow to offense.
2. Love of children and other adorable things. Like puppies. Or turtles. Or turtle puppies. (Please God...?)
3. A passion for something; a reason to live.

"Some people catch your eye. Other people catch your heart." - Unknown

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 7

Day 7: Four turn-offs.

1. "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person." - Dave Barry
Likewise, people who are rude or unkind to their parents. Unless they've mistreated you or abused you, you owe your world to them. Being unappreciative or sassy to well meaning parents makes me rage on the inside.
2.  Entitlement and selfishness.
Don't even get me started. Nine times out of ten, you don't deserve the favor somebody is doing for you. Expect nothing in return for your good deeds, and remember that the things that bring you joy bring joy to others as well. Say your "pleases" and "thank yous", even if you don't have to.
3. Smoking, drug use, excessive alcohol, and other unhealthy habits. 
 I do not condone nor tolerate the things in life that will kill you off for no good reason. If you give up a kidney to save a life, great. If you suffer some lung damage to save a drowning anything, wonderful. If you smoke or drink for fun, the most I will offer you is restraining from saying "I told him so" to your grieving family when you die of something awful. Hypothetically speaking, anyway. If you really do die I'll probably be sad. Probably.
4. Being two faced.
There is a difference between being polite, and being deceptive. It is okay to make small talk with someone you dislike in order to save their feelings. It is not okay to make them feel as though you truly care about them if you don't. It hurts a lot more to have your band aids laced with poison than it does to be strangled.

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 6

Day 6: Five people who mean a lot to you.

Choosing just five people to go on this list was ridiculously hard. In order to solve the issue of offending people, I've deliberated left off a few of the most meaningful of my friends. Which probably only makes everyone hate me more but...

1. Sulollibow - My dear friend of an undetermined length of time, though you may be the absolute worst at sympathy and don't have a single original song to your name, I don't know what I would have done if our parents' mutual friends didn't drop you off at my house without explanation over and over again. Sure, I'd have a few more brain cells, a few less stress lines, and Sunday mornings all to myself, but I'm sure you've been good for something along the way. Probably.
2. Amelia - It's weird that someone I've never actually met is making my list, which probably only makes the people I've deliberately left out just that much madder. But anyway. Past all the ridiculous feuds and disagreement after disagreement after disagreement, you have probably changed the way I see the world more than anyone else has. You and your abundance of hippie-esque world views has brought me down to Earth more times than I can count. Thank you for your wild stories and for teaching me to spell everything ever.
3. My old man of a twin - I'm still baffled by just how similar we are, despite all of our many, many differences. I don't think I quite believed you that first day we realized how many things we had in common. If you weren't such a mature old prude I would have thought you stalked me or something.I miss your abundant and unnecessary comments about what everybody is wearing just as much as you're missing my frequent insults about your everything.
4. Purple Gypsy - I've spent way too much time with you, and I've spent way too much of that time picking on you. You don't even read this blog so I don't even know why I didn't leave you out in favor of someone who might actually see this. You drive me nuts sometimes, but thank you for tolerating me.
5. A - Thank you for humouring me about everything. I don't treat you nearly as nicely as you deserve, because you're pretty much made up of sugar and sunshine on the inside, even if you're not always showing it.
 

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 5

Day 5: Six things you wish you'd never done.

(Note: Sadly, many of my regrets are still recent enough for me to feel uncomfortable being specific about them. Excuse the vagueness.)

1. Writing the letter that smeared the line.
2. Not waving until they didn't recognize me enough to wave back.
3. Speaking the truth when all they wanted was the lie.
4. Laugh at someone who was hurting.
5. Drink grape juice.
6. Hesitate.

^comic relief

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1. Why did I start talking I have no idea where I'm going with this please someone interrupt me before I say something stupid wahhhhhh.
2. Why did she just interrupt me? I was about to say something funny.
3. Oh crap, that was definitely not as funny out loud as it was in my head.
4. I have a lot of more important things to be doing and I should probably stop goofing off.
5. Okay, now I'll stop goofing off.
6. Why am I even doing this it's not even fun.
7. People suck.

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: Eight ways to win your heart.
1. Wait until I die, then fight a cannibal to the death for it.
2. Kill me, then fight a cannibal to the death for it.
3. Buy it from an illegal organ dealer.
4. Win it in a poker game with an illegal organ dealer.
5. Bake a fresh plate of chocolate chip cookies and trade them to me in exchange for it.
6. Devise an elaborate rouse in order to fool me into thinking some poor helpless something-or-other was dying and needed my heart to survive, then steal it when I rip it out of my chest.
7. Laugh when I tell an awful joke, and nobody else will.
8. Save me from an awkward situation.

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 2

Day 2: Nine things about yourself.
1. If tic tacs were drugs, I would have a serious problem. In my desk drawer (the one a normal person would use to store actually important things), is over thirty empty tic tac boxes which represent the three hundred I've probably consumed in my life time. I've probably inhaled more orange tic tacs than I have oxygen atoms. (Or, you know, maybe not.)
2. As a youngin',  I drank tomato soup like nobody's business. Every lunch and every dinner of every day, I would leave that bowl cleaner than it was coming out of the dishwasher.
3. I really hate tomato soup.
4. As a youngin', I drank more grape juice than I did water. This time, I am not exaggerating.
5. As a result of all my grape juice ingestion, my teeth became so thoroughly rotted out from all the sugar than I actually had to have surgery. On my teeth. You know how a normal cavity used to be filled with some sort of silver metal? My teeth were so full of cavities the dentists didn't even bother drilling holes. They just covered the whole damn tooth with the stuff, and only the ones they deemed salvageable, too.
6. I really hate grape juice.
7. I like singing, photography, sketching, painting, playing the piano, playing the guitar, writing poetry, writing fiction, and a plethora of other things. You know that story about the jack of all trades who sucked at everything? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was based on me.
8. I have a fascination with Greek and Norse mythology.
9. A wrapper from a fast food style Chinese restaurant taught me how to use chopsticks better than a lifetime with Chinese parents ever did.

 

EDIT: After doodling ^ that, I googled what a tomato actually looks like. I am very, very wrong.

The Ten Day Challenge: Day 1

Ten-Day Challenge.

Day 1: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day 2: Nine things about yourself.
Day 3: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day 5: Six things you wish you'd never done.
Day 6: Five people who mean a lot to you.
Day 7: Four turn-offs.
Day 8: Three turn-ons.
Day 9: Two emoticons that describe your life right now.
Day 10: One confession. 

Day 1: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
1. You are, by far, the most pretentious bus driver I have ever encountered. I hate you so much for making me feel bad for something I didn't even do, and I hope to God that I never have to see you again. Not because I'd be tempted to hurt you, though, but because I'd probably just smile and thank you like I do with all bus drivers. And the irony will kill me.
2. Hi! I see you get on my bus sometimes. Do you remember me? I'm Vincent. You got me in trouble in grade 3 for making you feel left out. To be fair, you pushed my friend onto gravel, which was REALLY painful for an eight year old. We should catch up and pretend like we care about each others respective lives, then proceed to spend every following chance encounter trying to avoid eye contact to avoid having to do it again.
3. Persnickety isn't a real insult, okay? There was no reason for you, at the age of twelve, to start crying. P.S., I said sorry because the teacher told me to. I was not sorry. You were being a real prick. Feel free to tear up now.
4. You are of average height. When I call you short, I mean relative to me.
5. Do you still have that friendship necklace I gave you? I'm sorry, I lost my half. Secretly, I feel like you somehow know that and that's the reason we don't speak anymore.
6. I am actually really sad that after next week, we're probably never going to speak again.
7. Okay, here's the thing. I am currently speaking with someone. If you want to speak with them, you have to wait patiently until you can interject. It is not okay to start chanting their name to get their attention three seconds into the conversation. I obviously have more to say than I can possibly blurt in a three second time period, thank you very much.

8. No, I did not say nor indicate you could take my french fries. If you had asked politely, that would have been a different story. Your entitlement is driving me up the wall.
9. I was the one who stole your miniature bunny figurine in grade one. It's the only physical object I've ever stolen ever, and it still keeps me up at night sometimes. I sent you a letter in grade seven to apologize for it but I think you moved.
10. I was the one who was chewing all the classroom pencils. No, I wasn't food deprived. I just really enjoyed doing it right under your nose, and not getting caught because you loved me so much you didn't bother to watch for me. If it makes you feel any better, all the germs I ingested made me sick like six times that year.Whoops.